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Monday, 16 November 2015

Why women should do something more than just being a home maker?

Yesterday I was traveling back in train from Kerala to Chennai. A middle aged lady boarded from Erode. I was half asleep in the cozy AC compartment. My kids were also sleeping. So I hardly noticed the lady in a pale yellow cotton saree.

Later on, the TTE came in to check for her tickets. She did have the ticket but she did not have the id proof. She had a  copy of Aadhar card though. TTE was not happy with her id proof and asked her to move to general compartment.

With the disturbance I woke up and saw her getting ready to move to the general compartment. I asked her what the matter is. She said:"I am traveling to Chennai as my daughter is not well. My son-in-law booked the tickets. But since it was in a hurry I did not take any id proof. And this is the first time that I am traveling alone and I thought the photo copy would be good enough."

I felt that something wrong is happening with her. She had that twinkle in her eyes, her shiny nose ring was complimenting her solid black complexion. I felt that she is saying the truth. Why even with a proper ticket and a decent id proof, TTE is asking her to move to general compartment.

To help her out, I went through her ticket and id proof, it was all real. Then why is she moving to the general coach? I asked her to wait. Let us wait for TTE to come back and clarify. I saw the helplessness in her face. I thought for a moment, it could happen to my mom as well.

I wondered, what exactly happened to her?

And then we started talking. She was talking about her life. She did a course in nutrition in the year 1985. Since the government was supporting nurtition related projects she got a very good job and worked for 4 years. But then she got married to a businessman and had kids. Bringing up kids took up the highest priority, so resigned from job and became a full time home maker.

She has 3 kids- 2 sons and a daughter. One son is an electronic engineer and the other one works with Amazon. Daughter is married of and she has a son. Daughter has done her clinical assistant course (something related to hospital, I did not get this completely) and worked with a renowned hospital for 5 years. But after kid, for the last one year she is not working.

She said she keeps advising her daughter: "Get back to job or else you will be like me."

She then added: "If I was with the service I would have been in a great post by now. Look at me now, I can't even speak in English. I don't know how to travel alone. I don't want the same to happen with my daughter."

She kept saying:" I even feel why should girls be taught such professional courses? To sit at home? Husbands feel that we want to work to make some money. It is not money that we look for in a job. It is just the pleasure of doing something more. The independence. To have a small world for ourselves that gives us fullfillment."

She is now in her late 50s or early 60s. She very frustratingly told that her husband keeps asking her: "What have you done so far with life? Other than bringing up kids. Why you don't know anything about the world?"

I just felt may be my life would be similar to her's after 15 more years if I don't do anything now - Low on confidence, scared to talk even if I am right, always dependent on somebody and easy target to blame for everything.

I really want to be the best of me! And ready to do whatever it takes!

Why women should do something more than just being a home maker?

I always feel, being born as a girl gives us equal opportunity to do anything like men. But when we have kids, our brain stops working and heart takes over. Which is very natural. And it should be that way too. Kids are the future. And nobody can replace mother to give them the best upbringing. 

Having said all these, I feel there should be something more than this. Just imagine that your kids have all grown up and started a family of their own. Except for yearly visits, you don't even get to meet them. Husbands will as usual be busy with their job, business or whatever. 

I as a woman foresee such a future; With lots of time, but no creative work. Low confidence and having no idea of where life is heading. Mega serials, spiritual books, illnesses will become best friends as we don't know what to do with so much of time. 

I really feel that to avoid such a future, I have to start doing something now. It could be big or small. It could happen hand in hand with household chores. But I can slowly keep working on it, so that my mind is always positive and happy till I die. 

By the way, to end the story, TTE came again but we (other co passengers) stood with her and she did not move to the general coach.